Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
