I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
