My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
