K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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