So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
