Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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