i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
