So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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