Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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