I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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