Plan B is the new Plan A
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
