I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
