It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Green mimosas i think yes
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
