think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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