I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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