fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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