I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
