blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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