some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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