I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
