Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
