i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
