I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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