Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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