its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
