I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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