I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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