I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
