He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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