your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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