tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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