I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize