cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
