She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
