Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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