i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
