Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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