Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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