Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
