i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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