The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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