dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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