Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
