Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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