im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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