White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
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I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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