walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
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I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
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I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The uberlube is also flammable
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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