I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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