yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the day after is always just damage control
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
