I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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