This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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