just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
