Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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