I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
