It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I want her autograph on my taint
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
is it fun? or sober?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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