I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
