Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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