I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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