just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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