it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
