She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
