i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i drank out of a bidet.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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