you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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