omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
