where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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