When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
