he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
