imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
