guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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