Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just had sex on a roof
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
