Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
