??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
