WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
